Confession #2

I need to sing.
That is how I'm built.
I've sung since I was little
And that was a long time ago.

I need to sing.
When I don't do it intentionally
My soul will sing to me.
My ears will latch on to any song
And I will sing it back to myself
Until the next song comes along.

I need to sing,
But as I say so often,
I hate my voice.
My voice is counter to who I am.
My voice sings in a way that
     No longer sounds like me,
     No longer communicates my soul
     But is what the voice that I have can do.

I need to sing,
So I sing in other ways.
I sing through my computer keyboard.
I sing by smiling and walking a little faster
In the morning down the street
To the bus stop.
I sing by telling my sweetie
That I love her
Over and over
Every five minutes
To the point where I'm annoying.

I need to sing, so
I sing ridiculous songs,
     Letting the humor shine my light,
     The irony itself twisting my pain
     Into a lopsided smile.

I need to sing
Because there's too much
That can't be expressed in any other way.

I need to sing
Because I know that the universe resonates
To the sound of a singing voice.

I need to sing
Because I also need to dance
With you
And singing as you dance
Is the best music.

VLog for 5/24/11 Bands

Vlog for 1/15/11

I sang a song by Portland, Maine band Bullyclub called "I Know I'm On Fire" as an attempt to keep warm :)

vlog for 1/8/11 about youtube.

Randomizer One

A bit of obtuseness created because I started a couple of different vlogs that didn't turn out. The music is a piece from my macidol collection called "Blasphemy #333." It features my girlfriend Karen, my friend Chris and I.

vlog 12/10/10

Blogging Fuyu Persimmon, Song VIII -- Everything Turns Out OK

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This is the wrap-up! I felt like I'd been to the darker places in my psyche for the better part of the month, it was time to put a bow on it, ship it off and move on to the next thing. Little nod to my friend Josh Russell at the end of the bridge (the extended last chord in a section is something that always makes me think of him) bigger nod to my sweetie as a second verse. This is one of the more listened-to songs from the album, so there's something to feel good about!

There are two more songs from this project at my macidol page that are both good things, just not the central pieces of the record for me. An a capella piece called "seven ways" that I like as well as anything else on this record, and a cowrite with my friend PJ that is lyrically a little weak (something had to be, I wrote ten songs in 28 days!) but has some of my best harmony singing on it. There's a whole slew of other recordings there, across a whole wide range of styles. Most of it is downloadable and all of it is free. Check it out, and thanks for listening to all of these tracks.

Blogging Fuyu Persimmon, Song VII -- Sand

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Next to last one! It's the melodrama song of the set! You know what, though? I love it; I feel like it's one of my better songs. It's dark & despairing, but it has some really nice turns of phrase and I think it's a good vocal performance.

Blogging Fuyu Persimmon, Song VI -- Waxahatchee (new mix)

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This song was generated as a nonsense poem for a usenet group dedicated to nonsequitur. The central character is a cow, in case you were wondering. The lyrics for several of the songs for this project began as automatic writing, and somehow ended up being more than that. This is the one place where my (at that point unacknowledged) transgender-ness pops up. Which is in keeping, I guess. Always somewhere in the back of my mind was the idea that somehow I could maintain my female identity as a kind of secret alter-ego. It would show up just like this one. At this time in my life, however, I was having a lot of trouble dealing with it. All the depression and anger that were fueling the songs on this record, so many uncomfortable things about my life coming to an ultimate point, and underlying all of them the feeling that I was living the wrong life. Within a few months of completing this record, I would realize that I had to do something or things were going to get much worse for me.

Deadman Turner once again brings up the quality and the fun quotient of the track about 100% with his guitar work.

Blogging Fuyu Persimmon, Song V -- Kamakura

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This is the first song I wrote and recorded for the project. I felt that I had to start from faith, and that meant a lot of different things to me. I knew I was going to be writing about my life, either directly or indirectly, and as a Nichiren Buddhist, I understand Nam Myoho Renge Kyo as being life itself. So I began from the notion that whatever struggles I face, I have a place to go to refresh my spirit, and a source of power for change. I felt free to just lay my cards on the table, and talk about where I was & where I was going. I also felt like I was making the determination to see the project of writing these ten songs through.

"Kamakura" refers to a city in Japan, and is a reference to a quote from a letter written by the priest Nichiren Daishonin to a follower to encourage them not to give up: "Be diligent in developing your faith until the last moment of your life. Otherwise you will have regrets. For example, the journey from Kamakura to Kyoto takes twelve days. If you travel for eleven but stop with only one day remaining, how can you admire the moon over the capital?" (Letter to Niike).

Blogging Fuyu Persimmon, Song IV -- The Things I Didn't Do

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This is one of two songs from this collection of songs that feature Deadman Turner on lead guitar.

This one is exploring the self destructive side of my imagination. Once again, we return to the feeling of being trapped, and the cost of getting free. What do you think: is the feeling at the ending of this song scary or hopeful?

Blogging Fuyu Persimmon, Song III -- Bills Come Due

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Kind of a party song, with the requisite "I'm doing something I shouldn't" edginess. It's a Bakersfield-style rave-up that would have been at home on Trax on Wax 4, at least that's how I intended it. It's definitely a Friday night song!

Blogging Fuyu Persimmon. Song II -- 2007

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This song is central to the experience of the record. Minimalist 2-chord structure meant to evoke a kind of desperate monotony. Amped up, charging around in a too-small cage is how I pictured it. The solo was intended to evoke an ambulance siren. Lyrically, it seems like a series of random observations, but isn't. It's a certain brand of punk rock broadside, following the tradition of Iggy & The Stooges (1969 1970), The Clash (1977) and others. As I believe is true with those songs, the observation points both ways: both out into the world and inside me. I envision a sort of shell game. As I examine each factoid, whether cosmic or completely mundane or somewhere in between, I was asking myself, "Is this it? Is this why I am so full of angst?" Connect the dots, indeed.

Blogging Fuyu Persimmon. Song I -- Goodbye

I am blogging the tracks for my 2007 RPM Challenge album Fuyu Persimmon. I am really proud of this record, and have since realized that I was struggling with major life issues that informed the songwriting and the performances.


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I'm starting with "the single." This was the track that was played at the RPM meet-up in Portsmouth that year, and represents the project's strengths very well.

RPM is a challenge to write ten songs (or make 35 minutes of music) in a month and record them. I set myself up to succeed, and this is the only time I managed it. I defined a band sound for myself with specific instrumentation: guitar, bass, and lap dulcimer. The drums were all apple loops, which come with garage band, the program I used to record all of my music at macidol. I intentionally used my second-best instruments to force me to play simply and directly: my Yamaha beater that has band stickers all over the top, my acoustic bass guitar that has the action set 'way too high, and a dulcimer that was barely playable then -- I struggled to keep it in tune and often didn't succeed -- and is totally unplayable now.

This song sets the tone for the project thematically as well. Full of regret but still looking forward. There were some goodbyes I needed to say, to people who were no longer around, to dreams I was no longer reaching for.

Carolina Chocolate Drops -- Genuine Negro Jig CD Review

Went CD shopping the other week with the idea that I'd get something unfamiliar and bring it home to review here on NME (HA! just thought of that!) This caught my eye out of the folk section. It fits in to my personal fascination with identity, hits my string band sweet tooth, and had a pretty cover. I didn't realize it until later, but I've actually seen them live at Old Songs Festival 2006.

As I thought about this purchase more, I began to feel a little uneasy about the fact that they blazon themselves with the "genuine black string band music" label, but over time and with multiple listens to the CD, I've become more comfortable with the idea. They win me over with their facility with the string band music style, as evidenced by this performance of one of the songs from the CD -- "Cornbread and Butterbeans" for a show from North Carolina called "Blue Plate Special"



They also have won me over with their eclecticness. They may be waving a particular banner right there in your field of vision, but they cover a lot of ground on this 12 song CD. Here's another example from the same program, a pop song called "Hit "Em Up Style"



What you're getting as examples are from the first half of the CD. Worth noting that that half of the CD pretty much sets you up with fine examples of what you'd expect from such a band as they are, so what's revelatory here is the second half of the CD. English folk balladry, a Tom Waits cover, beautiful modal love songs. They cover a lot of territory in that single CD, lots of switching instruments happens (as you can tell by the two performances here), and yet a single throughline of unified sound emerges.

As a commentary on identity, I find it really comforting and affirming. Everything can find its way into a particular context, a whole world can be explored from pretty much any point of view, and that point of view can remain intact.

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The Who at the Super Bowl

I just watched this (the only portion of the evening I had any interest in, really) on Youtube.

XXX
(UPDATE -- These vids are no longer up! Maybe you can find different uploads somewhere on the web but I don't think I'll look for 'em...)
XXX

I've heard a few people say they thought it was sub-par. There are things to complain about, if you're of a mind. They played a ten minute medley of their classic rock hits instead of concentrating on full versions of songs. Well, that right there proves that some people have unrealistic expectations. Their most recognizable stuff from the period they chose to represent would have allowed them to do 2 or maybe 3 songs. That wouldn't have satisfied anyone, either. I don't know what I would have done in their stead, but I'm happy they did it the way they did. Others complained about the vocals. I thought they were in fine voice. They didn't harmonize like on the records, and they didn't blend their voices very well. So what. This is rock n roll, not pop. They hit the *emotional* notes perfectly. Roger sounded like Roger and Pete sounded like Pete. Someone else asked if that was Nigel Tufnel on the drums. No. That was Zak Starkey, Ringo's son. He grew up knowing Keith and seems to me to play just like him. All around, it was a pretty wonderful twelve minutes, encapsulating everything I like about the Who that you could put in such a short set.

Now, if only they could have gotten rid of the football and just had a three hour Who concert, that would have been better!

Collab w/ Steve K

Oddment Ops is the next song for Admin Apse & Other Design Choices, the new album I'm making & posting at macidol.com. This one is a track that already existed in an incomplete form, which Steve has finished perfectly. There's more info about how I'm connected to Steve on the other side.

2nd song in my minimalist noise/electronica album is up

admin apps, the second song in my album admin apse & other design choices is posted over at the macidol. You might like it if you like crazy sounding music.

New Song!

Just finished a new tune entitled "admin apse." I do lots of different stuff musically: this bit happens to be avant-electronica. I think I'm going to try to come up with a whole album of stuff like this.

I love feedback about my music.