Yesterday, I was surfing the net (I facebook a lot, and as you might infer if you look at my blog, I spend a lot of time at Youtube as well) and compudie was getting a little sticky-slow, so I decided I should reboot. While I was waiting, I got up and stretched my legs for a minute. I have a mirror on my wall situated so that if I'm standing close to it, you can't see all of me in it, but you can see maybe 2/3 of my width. I was looking at my silhouette and noticing the shape of my hips and breasts. The lines there are clearly feminine! I sat down on the edge of my bed and started crying. "I'm a girl now" I thought, and I may have even said it out loud. It was quite a moment. One instant, I felt the enormity of that, and the next moment I felt total acceptance of it. It's the fulfillment of a lifetime of hopeless dreams. I began to feel awed by it all.
My computer picked that exact moment to restart. I was having this cosmic moment of realization, and the universe threw the mac booting chime at me. It was just too funny.
My experience as a transgender woman has often been that I will have epiphanies and realize that I am a girl, and then at some later point, something else will prompt that same realization again. On the surface, this experience may seem like just another one of those, but it's qualitatively different in at least one way: I had not realized how much my body had changed. My female identity is not just what's in my head, it's what my body says now, too.
I can't tell you how happy that makes me.
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